Tuesday, August 30, 2005
times running out...hurry the fuck up will you!!!
every once in a while it hits me that it could all be over at any point w/in the next ten years ten days ten minutes ...and that scares the fucking bejeebers out of me ...my insides twist into a scrunched up ball and roll to a side... not for fear of death and what it will bring ...but for the realization that i have nothing to my credit! nothing to show for these 22 years ten months and ten days ...and with every day that i let pass i get closer to my final ten on earth ... fuck ..and the thing is that if i think about this any more then a preallocated few minutes i may as well be coiled up in pool of tears in a corner somewhere! so bus!
i need to get to it ... start my own pile of accomplishments already rather then standing there with a dry open mouth staring enviously at those of others...
thats why.....
thats why i need to get moving! get there quick! before my time runs out... start my life. start something. anything. i can be happy with. proud of. something mine....
*hate this ball of hollow fears*
Sunday, August 28, 2005
its 5:08am i should sleep... i have things to do tommorow ..i dont want to be sleeping in too late ... i probably will ... thats not a good thing ... i should sleep ... but sitting in this half empty room...lit only by the light of this computer screen... listening to this music ..and more so the burble of rain on the the other side of my window.... feeling this breeze ...feeling this way .... i should sleep ... but ....
:P
Friday, August 26, 2005
fuck.streaming
bodies in motion.
oceans.
swimming beneath
turning/twisting/writhing
in these storms
making you. mine.
mine.
becoming. something
that could have been
you.
dark. beads of sweat
mixing in
with the darkness of day
stop me. not. now
we have far
far
left those lines behind
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Sawing it open....
Sawing it open was a tedious task, and her arms were starting to tire, and yet she kept going. It was the promise of all that lay inside, which, kept her going. Each slice brought her closer to her dream of finally being able to look inside. Now, she would be able to look as long and as hard as she wanted. No one could stop her. No one could reproach her. She could lose herself exploring each and every inch, nook and cranny of this unknown land. Three more vigorous strokes and just like that its cover rolled off to a side. And there it was, right in front of her eyes. Open. Exposed. Finally! Greedily, she reached inside, the sensation of her fingers melting into its caverns, sending chills down her spine. She pulled it out of its shell and held it close. Caressing its every curve. Savoring its velvety feel. Finally, she gently placed it on the table in front of her and stared at it to her hearts content. She poked at it, prodded it, peered into its corners and when she no longer felt the heat of the afternoon sun beating on her back, she picked the carving knife and brought it down, cutting into its very core. Had she stopped for a moment, she might have heard its screams pierce the thin air, but she didn’t. She kept going, digging in deeper and deeper, as far as she could go. With one hand she wiped off the sweat on her brow and with the other she now reached for the fork. She wasn’t getting what she wanted and she knew she had to go further. Swiftly, she urged in the utensil to force out a wedge and held it up to her face. She eyed it. And then, without looking back at his lifeless body, lying at her feet, or his skull split in two; she opened her mouth and took a bite of that which she had once envied so. She closed her eyes, relishing its sharp taste and consuming texture, and blissfully chewed away.
24.08.05
11:17am
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
It wasnt till after I sliced open my words right there on the clean cold marble counter that I saw the extent to which you filled me.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
