every once in a while it hits me that it could all be over at any point w/in the next ten years ten days ten minutes ...and that scares the fucking bejeebers out of me ...my insides twist into a scrunched up ball and roll to a side... not for fear of death and what it will bring ...but for the realization that i have nothing to my credit! nothing to show for these 22 years ten months and ten days ...and with every day that i let pass i get closer to my final ten on earth ... fuck ..and the thing is that if i think about this any more then a preallocated few minutes i may as well be coiled up in pool of tears in a corner somewhere! so bus!
i need to get to it ... start my own pile of accomplishments already rather then standing there with a dry open mouth staring enviously at those of others...
thats why.....
thats why i need to get moving! get there quick! before my time runs out... start my life. start something. anything. i can be happy with. proud of. something mine....

*hate this ball of hollow fears*

3 Comments:

i'd say something extremely profound, but its just not happening. all i can say is, relax.

:)

By  Tammy, at 4:10 PM  

i guess this feeling follows us all many times. i'm sure if you look closely you'll see that you have accomplised a lot, think "it's a wonderful life" (film) :)

By  Lorena, at 10:52 PM  

Been a year since you posted this:)Hope you've accomplished much:)

By  Deliciously Alive, at 10:13 AM  

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